im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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