My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
