until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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