you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
