bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
