508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
