Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
