my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
