i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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