I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
