Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
