I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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