well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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