Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
