so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
