Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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