jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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