do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
