The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
