If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
