it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
