I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
