Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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