I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
