I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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