You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
