he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
