If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
