New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
