life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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