yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
