he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
