Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
