I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
