i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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