just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
