Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
