I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Found your dick twin last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
