Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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