Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
