I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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