You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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