I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
