Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
