Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
