I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
