So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
