He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
