Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
