I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
id be glad to
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
